Amstaff Conspiracy

 

 

I think I may have made a discovery that could affect the future of mankind.

After years of studying Am Staffs I have seen some alarming trends that led me to dig deeper.

 

I first became suspicious of Am Staffs after struggling unsuccessfully to gain my fair share of my own bed at night while sleeping. 

Then things got worse when I seemed to have less and less space on the couch when settling in to watch a movie on TV. 

After that, I found it difficult to keep my one Am Staff in the passenger seat while I was driving, having to explain that I should logically be the one to drive since only I had thumbs which were needed to hold the wheel.

Then I accidentally stumbled onto the subtle telekinetic power that Am Staffs possess.  Despite my determination NOT to feed them at the dinner table, I found myself giving them a bite, even from my own fork, when they gave me "The Look".

Many people just don't realize how close the balance of power is to tipping in their favour.

Then I had a breakthrough in my research.  I discovered a single gene which is currently dormant in Am Staffs and that prevents them from ruling the world.  This gene acts a limiter, and is the only thing preventing Am Staffs from being fully human-like.  The gene only affects certain aspects of their behaviour, while others remain unlimited, and some behaviours are even super-human.

This can be observed in everyday life, take Bailey for example.  The prey-drive in Bailey far exceeds that of humans, particularly when it comes to food.  Besides the ability to detect food through walls, and with greater sensitivity than a spy satellite searching the ocean for nuclear submarines, Bailey quickly taught herself how to open doors in our house to expand her hunting grounds.

After opening my daughter's bedroom door, Bailey adeptly opened a zippered backpack, extracted and opened a plastic bag full of 100 peppermints (my daughter regularly brings them to her classmates).  Bailey then unwrapped the wrapper of a mint and proceeded to lick it.  However, Bailey does not like peppermints.

This is where the effect of the dormant gene is observed, by limiting her ability to reason.  With no ability to reason, yet with a fully functional prey drive, Bailey could not resolve the conflict between her desire for food and her dislike of peppermints.  Consequently, she proceeded to unwrap approximately 50 of the individually wrapped peppermints and lick them all until they were a gooey mess on my daughter's bed.

 

Next Journal Entry:

The fact that 50 candies remained unlicked was cause for alarm and may reveal that Bailey was able to reason that the remaining 50 probably also tasted like peppermint, possibly indicating that the dormant gene may be undergoing a genetic mutation.

After further investigation and empirical evidence, I am becoming more convinced that the limiting effect of the dormant gene may be weakening.

Just the other day, I caught Bailey as she managed to open a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts on the counter and devoured five of them before I could stop her.  The only noticeable side effect was some really fast agility run times that day.

Now I think she may be reading my notes when I'm not looking.  I have to go, I think I'm being watched.

Greg

 

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